New high-loss airline to fly: Hellena Basket Air

Time for some humour:

FRESH FROM ITS POTENTIALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT at destroying the world’s economy, a southern European country is next plotting to bring down the global airline industry. Newly established Hellena Basket Airlines is to offer the world’s lowest air fares from anywhere to everywhere. Advised by very creative financial firm Goldberg Socks and funded by Italian and French banks, underwritten by large German institutions, the heavily subsidised airline will drastically under-price in order to drive its competition bankrupt.

The carrier’s newly leased large widebody aircraft are configured with 40 first-class, 150 business-class and 300 non-taxpayer-class seats for the great majority of locally originating travellers who have never paid taxes. Seating in this section will be fully subsidised by the national government, using borrowed money. However, because the seats are offered at prices well below cost, this will not cost much.

Inflight entertainment systems are to be provided at excessive cost by leading suppliers Bunga Bunga Entertainment. Bunga Bunga will be available in all seats, announced CEO Silva Burlesquepanti, who until recently held an important entertainment and singles events organising position in an emerging-nation government.

Spanish air traffic controllers expressed concern that there was no suggestion of any strike activity at Hellena Basket at this stage, but offered to provide some immediately, in solidarity with any likely future action. “Obviously, by definition, the new airline’s staff will be underpaid and so industrial action becomes necessary at some stage. With our expertise in the area, we are best equipped to ensure they receive the best guidance, prior to our next strike,” said union chief Sr Labour.

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